June 20th, 2019. The Worst Day of my Life Thus Far.

Trigger/Content Warning: Death

I am not exaggerating at all when I say that.
Let’s start at the beginning:

I woke up, normal day, except today I am extremely nervous because Floyd’s allergy appointment is today at 2. Today we get his prick test and find out what his other allergies are. Stress.
Trey was at summer school teaching and Floyd and I ate breakfast, I tried to get him down for a nap, it wasn’t working and he needed a nap because we had an allergy appt that afternoon so there was no hope if it wasn’t now. Stress.
This allergy appointment was also going to be hard because he is getting a prick test, so we really need a nap. Stress.
No nap. Stress.
Kay. I have to get ready now and we barely have time. So I shower with him playing in the bathroom floor and trying to turn off my hot water since he can reach that handle from the side of the tub. My shower takes twice as long since I am literally pausing every few minutes to stop him from turning off my water. More stress.
Traffic was NUTS because people at work aren’t trying to hurry anywhere. Of course, I didn’t take that into account. More stress.
Now we are 15 minutes late for our appointment and told that we will be gotten to whenever because we were so late. I don’t remember her exact words. So much stress.
I am at the point of tears.
All the nerves, being late, then told we were going to wait longer because of me.
AND we have friends coming over at 5 for dinner, so we have a limited window to work with.
We get back at 3pm. Stress, but also a sigh of relief.
The prick test is HORRIBLY traumatic.
I thought it was just a board of needles with the allergen on/in them.
NOPE.
Me and a nurse hold him down on his tummy, arms and legs held down too, while another nurse marks each spot the allergen will go, then drops them on the dots, then takes a tiny scalpel and cuts open his skin some to let it in his body for a reaction.
At the start, he is fine. Then he is freaking out that he is being held down.
Then he starts SCREAMING in terror as she cuts him. Stress reaches a peak.

When the nurses left the room I just sobbed on Trey’s shoulder. Sobbed and sobbed.
I hated it so much.

Floyd is allergic to oats, tree nuts (especially peanuts), eggs, and cat dander. I am overwhelmed.
After we left, I told me sister Amy everything that happened that day and that it was the worst day of my life, possibly.

I make it home at the same time as our guests (Trey left right after I calmed down from the prick test to get ready). Everything is ready and I am thankful.
It seems the day is going to end well. 
Dinner is lovely and Floyd got a short nap in the car.

After dinner we Marco Polo Trey’s family with an update of Floyd’s new allergies.
Then I pull up my camera on my phone to record a similar video to send to my family in our group text.
Suddenly my phone rings.

I stood up and answered. The woman on the other end said my name and asked if I was sitting down.
I said yes and promptly sat back down.
She said my father and his wife MingLi were hiking on Barksdale AirForce base and he'd passed.
I just started saying "No" and "You're lying" a thousand times. She kept saying "Yes ma'am." And I kept saying "No, you're lying. No no no no."
Then suddenly my brain caught up and I barked an order at her.
"SAY HIS NAME!"
"Russell Ross"

Fair warning, my filter died with Dad and I typed this while everything was still very very raw and I refuse to edit it or make it more palatable.

And then I was screaming no and a complete mess of terror and rage.
Trey asked what happened and I just said "He's dead." And he cried "What!?"
She told us we needed to come get MingLi because she was distraught and couldn't drive. I was in and out of calm and distraught.
She asked to speak to someone else and Trey took over, although he was a fucking mess too.
I thought he'd fallen doing something daring, because that wouldn't surprise me, so I was cussing him out and sooooo mad that he was dead. How the hell could HE be dead.
HE WAS A NAVY CORPSMAN AND BASICALLY A MARINE!!!! He worked and trained with Marines. Marines don't just fucking die. He was the picture of health.

He popped over to my house for this portrait for his retirement ceremony. If you look closely you can see his pants are just some slacks he is wearing. Hahaha! Perfect. And we just were having fun, being silly, and I was probably telling him to stop making me laugh because I was very very pregnant and might pee myself, haha!

They think he had a heart attack and that it was instant. He didn't know what happened.
He's had an autopsy in Little Rock and we don't yet know the results.

He and MingLi were walking along a trail when he decided to go ahead. He wanted to push himself some and run. She told him she would just catch up. So he started running and rounded a corner. When she rounded the corner she saw something red (his shirt) and thought it was so weird for someone to leave trash there.
Then she realized it was Dad.
She thought he was playing so she started telling him to quit and stuff. Then she saw he wasn't blinking and his face had no smile. She rolled him over and saw a bloody spot on his head. So he hadn't even broken his fall. He just was gone before he hit the ground.
She started CPR, but then ran to get someone who could be better. Thankfully they were at the end of the trail.
CPR was administered for a very long time. He was just gone.

It's not fair.
It doesn't make sense.
He's supposed to be here. 
How is this real?
I fucking hate sin.

I said those sentences so many times a day the first week. And I still say them on occasion.

Dad was the greatest human alive.
Ok, that is not true. But he was by and large the best father a girl could have ever asked for. He was always kind, always loved so big, always helping people, always truly serving and fighting for the greater good.
Working to put away bad guys and do justice for victims was literally his favorite thing on the planet. It didn’t matter who the bad guy was, he was going to find the right one, every time. He had a very very VERY clear compass for what was right and what was wrong. And he always did what was right. To a fault maybe, but you could count on him for that.

- This image is horrid quality, but it’s Dad being a detective. His favorite thing next to working patrol. He just loved to find bad dudes and put them in jail. -

He was the most gentle, calm, kind, and loving father on the planet. Truly, his gentleness was unfathomable. I wish to be that gentle, I really do.
His calm and funny were my two favorite qualities about him.
ALL the shit in the entire world could be hitting every fan on the planet, and he would find some stupid way to make everyone laugh and be completely calm as if earth wasn’t being swallowed whole by a black hole.

He could make all this happening right now funny and he would 100% be so calm. Except he is not here.

He wanted nothing more than to live in a hut in the middle of the woods. 

I don't fully have the ability to go through all of the amazing memories with him. But he was truly the most loving, kind, gentle, silly, funny father and man on the planet.